Saturday, December 22, 2012

Still Trying


Today, I woke up restless. I grabbed a book that has been on my shelf for over a year, Jesus Freaks. It is a book composed of the stories of those who stood for Jesus despite being persecuted and tortured. It also tells stories of those who died martyrs for their Lord.

As I read it, I felt the guilt begin to sweep over me. Guilt and even a bit of horror. Do I even have ANY faith?  I have done nothing for God, I don’t even talk about God to others for days at a time. And yet here I am thinking I have a step up on others in this world.

As I began to compare myself to these pillars of faith, I realized who was feeding these thoughts. Self-hatred, frustration, condemnation, and guilt were all being poured upon me as I sat there comparing myself to these incredible believers.

Those thoughts are not from my Savior. I still struggle with a performance mindset, thinking I have to do things for God to love me. I’ve known times of freedom from this mindset, but my nature still gets the best of me.

Why do I still feel like I have to earn God’s love?
“We think we earn God’s blessing or forfeit it by how well we live the Christian life.”(Jerry Bridges- Gospel-Driven Sanctification)

I confess, I have given into this way of thinking for much of my life to this day. I am immediately reminded of Romans 3,

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith.” Romans 3:23-25a

As I read this, the Lord gave me a picture. It’s as though Jesus is trying to give me a gift, and there I go saying, “Oh no, I can’t take that!”  

He replies, “Yes, take it.”

“No, let me wash your feet first. Let me feed you. Let me give you a new cloak. Let me make something for you first,” I retort. And there I go hustling and bustling about the house frantically trying to do things for Jesus, while he just stands there holding the gift out for me to take.

I realize how ridiculous I must look, but in my head I have convinced myself that I must do something for Jesus first before I can accept anything. Perhaps it is because when I look at myself I see absolute depravity and failure, and think how I do not deserve anything from Him.

I try and I try, telling myself, “Oh Sophia, if you just save more souls, lead more children into life-long ministry, write more encouraging letters, read more of the Word and other Christian literature, if you just die a martyr for Jesus, then, THEN you will deserve the gift of His love.”

But that is the most ridiculous part of it all! I AM UNDESERVING! AND I ALWAYS WILL BE! Nothing I can do will every change that. And try as I might, no matter what I do, I will never feel like I deserve Jesus.

I don’t know if we were ever even meant to feel like we can deserve God’s love. That is what makes our God so beyond us and our capacity to understand  him.

“This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.” Romans 3:25b-16

*the moment you read something for the bazillionth time and it finally clicks*

God loves us to “show God’s righteousness…to show his righteousness…so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.”

Do I not get this!? Here I am trying to show God my righteousness so that I might justify myself for receiving such a gift! I am trying to be God. I am trying to take his job and justify myself.  He doesn’t need me to take his job. HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS is what is to be highlighted. He is just and the justifier of me, a believer. He doesn’t need my help. He doesn’t need me to do anything. He just needs me to believe and receive.

What a fool I am. But what a faithful relentless lover my God is to yet again open my eyes to my blindness.

As I sat there so humbled by my little faith and understanding, I looked at my dog, Sadie.

“Why do you love her?” the Lord asked me.

“Because she follows me,” I easily answered.

It struck my heart. As when a breeze blows away a thick fog, or as when something comes into focus, a wave of clarity ending the strain of trying to see, my eyes were opened.

She follows me.

She does nothing for me. I feed her, bather her, give her medicine, take her for walks, and buy her toys.  She really does nothing for me, and yet I love this dog as my own sibling. I count her as a part of me, an extension of my heart.

I love her because no matter where I go my Sadie follows me. She waits by the door for me to come home, lays at my feet while I eat, sleeps at the foot of my bed every night, waits outside the door while I get ready every morning; where I go, she goes.

I love her because she knows my heart. When I am sad, crying, or sick, she draws closer and rests her head upon my lap offering comfort. When I am happy and rejoicing, she rejoices with me. She feels my emotions and joins in them willingly. She never refuses my love.

I love her because she listens to my voice above everyone else’s. When I ask her to drop her favorite toy, she does so immediately. When I tell her to come, she comes. When I say no, she stops immediately looking to me for guidance. When I lead her, she follows.

I love her because of her silly quirks. She loves stuffed animal ducks. She gathers them all around her before bed. She can be stubborn at times and strong willed.  She can be pushy and needy, but I love even these faults of hers.
Sweet Miss Sadie
I love how she looks, even as she ages and gains weight. I love the look in her eyes every morning as she greets me. I lover her smell, even when she is dirty. I love her paws, though not soft anymore. I love the spot on her tongue. I love how soft the place above her nose and between her eyes is.

I love her simply because she is simply Sadie. She doesn’t try to change anything about herself. She doesn’t try to act like other dogs or change how she looks. She just accepts who she is, and doesn’t think about comparing herself to any other dog.

I have asked my family, “Whyyyyy does she have to follow me everywhere I go?” The reply is simple, “She loves you.”

I love her because she is mine. I love her because she lets me love her and she loves me. And I know her love for me because she relentlessly pursues my presence.

This is how God feels about me. He loves me because I am his. That’s it.

He just wants me to let him love me and to love him in return. How complicated I make Him and his love. But he does not condemn me for my efforts. He only looks on me with compassion and asks, “Come, follow me.”

I want to let him love me. I want to follow him relentlessly and just be myself. I want to listen to his voice above all, and obey Him when I hear him. I want to rest in his presence all the days of my life. 

Even as I sit here writing this, I try to think of what I can do to make this happen. How hopeless one can feel...but it is then that I look upon the cross, and am overwhelmed with gratitude.

I pray that I may take this entry and truly apply it to my life. I do not know how to live this life any differently, but my God does. I have no answers, no methods, no secret solution to a performance mindset. But I trust that my Savior and Beloved does. I believe that he will take this broken tired girl and heal her heart from the tangled web of performance.

I pray also for anyone else who struggles with this. It is such a heavy burden that I know the Lord wants to free us from. He is so good and so faithful. He loves us. Just as we are. He loves us.


I will hold you child 
When all is done
When the world is gone
And its songs have been sung

You will be with me
Through endless years
We will dance and sing
When your heart is fulfilled

So don't you close your eyes
Don't you lose your way
Don't you miss all the gifts that are unforeseen

I'm your anchor and shield
I'm the wind in the sails
I'm the song in your heart
The God who saves


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Rutara People

I am so excited to announce that we were able to fund 10 more verses to be funded in the translation of Scripture for the Rutara people of Asia!

And what is even more exciting is that they are already in Revelation 5 with the translation! When I looked up the next verses that we were able to fund through your donations and purchases, this is what I read:

"Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth." ( Rev. 5:9,10)

"Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!" (Rev. 5:12)

How incredible is that! "By your blood you have ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation"!!!

That is what this is all about. Bringing the Word to every tribe, tongue, and people. Glorifying His Name! He is so good, and so faithful!

If you would like to help finish the funding for the Rutara people's translation, you can donate at this link!

https://www.oneverse.org/groups/threeremain


May you be blessed and feel his goodness today!

Friday, December 14, 2012

Graduating: Glory to Glory

Tomorrow morning at 9:00 I will walk across a stage symbolizing my passing from one stage of life to the next. For some this is the right of passage to adulthood. For me, this is a memorial stone of my growing from one glory to another.

When I look back at the young naive girl I came in as, she seems so foreign to me. I read things I wrote in those first two years of being an Aggie, and I realize how much my way of thinking has changed.

The girl that I look back on was one who could be defined as "Trying." She tried so hard to please those around her and even please her God. She tried with all her might to be righteous.  She studied Scripture to impress others and God, hoping that through her knowledge she could gain their love and favor. She tried so hard to be kind, joyful, servant-hearted, and well...perfect.

She tried and tried and tried for the first two years of college. Through her dad's heart attack and the year long struggle to help him regain his mobility, she contined to try and be the rock others needed to her to be. She worked with all her might to have others love her.

Little did she realize she was using her spiritual accomplishments and religion to comfort her. She had continued, just as the girl in high school, to live in self-righteousness and self-reliance.

Then one night she got the call that her cousin, only 24 years old, was dying. She stood among her family declaring that her God would save her cousin, she would not pass away. But her beautiful cousin did pass away. Suddenly, her perfect little world collapsed.

This was the shifting point in my life. I do believe that I knew the Lord, and I knew him closely. My faith was genuine and sincere, I had just fallen in certain areas.

This test of losing my most beloved cousin was a faith-changing event. It was as a slow motion movie. Everything in my life suddenly played before me...who I was, what I poured myself into, what I had done in my life.

I realized the reality of my utter dependence and need of my God. I was broken. And for the first time in my life I didn't even try to hide it. Freedom had finally broken into my life.

My eyes shifted from the kingdom of this world to the Heavenly Kingdom. I began to find true comfort in the only one who could offer truly give it, my Heavenly Father. I no longer had to try to impress Him, try to do everything right, try to be a good Christian girl. I no longer had to try.

I could rest.

I could simply rest in how my Savior loved me beyond all else and that his will and plan for my life was perfect for me.

The first two years were very different from the last two, but I see the Lord's hand in every single moment of these past four years.

As I sit here on the cusp of something new and differentI look back and see the amazing journey God has brought me through, and I will never be able to express in words how grateful I am for the humbling hard times he took me through.

Now comes the part where I have to decide what to do with my life. A month ago I was right there with many other graduates wishing people would just stop asking them what they want to do...we don't know! Only, instead of not knowing what I want to do with my life...I do know.

I want to honor my God. I want to PLEASE my God. Not because I have to, but because I am filled most with joy when I feel the pleasure of my God.

No I don't know what job the Lord wants me to take, but I do know I want to serve him And so if you are like me and completely lost as to which physical job direction God wants you to go in, perhaps you can find guidance in this as I have. It is so simple.

Walk in your gifts. The way God made you is a sign of what he wants you to do. What led me to know what God wanted me to do was realizing when I felt God's pleasure the most. 

Finish this sentence: "I feel God's pleasure most when I am..." 
That is how you will know what the Lord wants you to do with your life. : ) It brings him much joy to see his children use the gifts he has given them.

So as I walk across that stage tomorrow at 9:00 am, I will be thinking of my incredibly faithful and loving God who has brought me SO far. How do you thank someone who has done so much more than you could ever do for them?

You love them. He doesn't require anything from us, nor does He even want anything from us! He just asks that we love him and let Him love us.

Beloved, you are His. He knows your days, your plans, your desires. Let him have them all. Let Him use them and rule them. He will take you so much deeper into his heart and into a glorious eternity with him. You are holy because He made you holy through the blood of his Son. You are chosen. You are loved.  You are forgiven. You are enough just as you are because you are HIS.

May we honor him with all our days, including the ones we have no idea about. :)

So as I walk across that stage, I pray that the Holy Spirit move and for a split second bring people in that stadium to think of their God. May my name somehow when said aloud in front of those thousands of people make others think of their glorious Savior. He is so good. So incredible. So faithful. So worthy of our all.

You are loved sweet brother or sister. May you be showered with his grace and love, and may he continue to take us all from glory to glory.


P.S. I will be singing this song in my heart as I walk across. It's my party for Jesus jam! : )

Thursday, December 13, 2012

A Perspective Forever Changed

This morning I just read Final Quest by Rick Joyner. It is a short account of dreams and visions of the last days and heaven that he had over the course of a year. I read it as a parable, and my spirit was moved. It really gave me such a new perspective on this earth and what my motives are in the things I do. I encourage you to read it. It is a quick read that is so worth reading. Here are some excerpts that really stood out to me.


"Trailing behind these first divisions were a vast multitude of other Christians who were prisoners of this army.  They were all wounded, and were guarded by little demons of Fear.  There seemed to be more prisoners than there were demons in the army.  Surprisingly, these prisoners still had their swords and shields, but they did not use them.  It was shocking to see that so many could be kept captive by so few of these little demons of Fear.  These could have easily been destroyed or driven off if the prisoners had just used their weapons."


"To the spiritual children He is the Lamb.  To the maturing He is the Lion.  To the fully mature He is both the Lion and the Lamb."

(People who stayed on the Salvation level) "These are no less heroes than those who made it to the top.  They brought great joy to heaven by continually leading others to 'Salvation.' It was for this reason that all the angels in heaven wanted to come to minister to them, but only the most honored were permitted." Again I felt a terrible shame at my attitude toward these great saints.  Many of us scorned them as we climbed to the higher levels.  They had made many mistakes during the battle, but they had also displayed more of the Shepherd's heart than the rest of us.  The Lord would leave the ninety-nine to go after the one who was lost.  These had stayed in the place where they could still reach the lost, and they paid a dear price for it.  I, too, wanted to help but did not know where to start."

"You are the dread champions, the sons and daughters of the King.  He wore the same mantle when He walked on this earth.  As long as you are clothed in that there is no power in heaven or earth that can stand before you.  Everyone in heaven and hell recognizes that mantle.  We are His servants, but He abides in you, and you are clothed in His grace."

"Again I felt a profound shame at having scorned those who stayed on this level.  They
had seemed so weak and foolish to those of us who were ascending the mountain, but they had endured much more than we had and remained faithful.  God had kept them and they loved Him with a great love."

"'Because they are now whole,' he replied, indicating the wounded who were now all standing and appeared to be in perfect condition.  'True worship can heal any wound,' he added."

"'Yes, it is right for you to feel what you do,' the eagle finally said.  'We are not complete, and our worship is not complete, until the whole body is restored.  Even in the most glorious worship, even in the very presence of the King, we will all feel this emptiness until all are one, because our King also feels it.  We all grieve for our brothers in bondage, but we grieve even more
for the heart of our King.  Just as you love all of your children, but would be grieved for the one that was sick or wounded, He too loves all of His children, but the wounded and oppressed have most of His attention now.  For His sake we must not quit until all have been recovered.  As long as any are wounded, He is wounded.'"

"'You are wise to doubt yourself.  But true faith depends on God, not yourself, and not your faith.'"

"As I walked, a great company of angels followed me.  I turned and asked the leader why they were following.  'Because of the mantle,' he said.  'We have been given to you, to serve you here and in the battle to come.'" (The mantle was a robe that symbolized humility)

(said the angel.) "'We know that all of these stones are great treasures, and all of the revelations they contain are priceless.  We beheld for a moment the agony of the Lord before His crucifixion, and we felt briefly what He felt that terrible night.  It is hard for us to understand how our God could ever suffer like that.  It makes us appreciate much more what an honor it is to serve you whom He did it for.'"

"'Sir,' the angel said almost shyly.  'We understand that no one is here because they deserve it.  You are here because you were chosen before the foundation of the world for a purpose.'"

"'But I did not finish this last one,' I protested. 'Christ alone will ever finish that test,' he replied.  'You have done well, but you must go on now.'"

"Many love to know His kindness, but very few are willing to know His severity.  If you do not know both you will always be in danger of deception and a fall from His great grace."

"The knowledge of good and evil makes the true knowledge of God seem fearful, when in fact every truth from above leads to an even greater peace and security.  Even the judgments of God are to be desired, because all of His ways are perfect."

"There are no greater fools than the ones who know the great salvation of God, but then go on living for themselves." 

"Had I not been so self-centered and concerned with my own reputation I would be a king here.  I was called to one of the highest thrones.  All that you have and will accomplish would have been in my heavenly account as well.  Instead, much of what I gave my attention to was of very little true eternal significance.  What looks good on earth looks very different here.  What will make you a king on earth will often be a stumbling block to keep you from being a king here.  What will make you a king here is lowly and unesteemed on earth."

"Do not try to teach others to do what you are doing yourself.  Reformation is not just a doctrine.  True reformation only comes from union with the Savior.  When you are yoked with Christ, carrying the burdens that He gives you, He will be with you and carry them for you.  You can only do His work when you are doing it with Him, not just for Him.  Only the Spirit can beget that which is Spirit.  If you are yoked with Him you will do nothing for the sake of politics or history.  Anything that you do because of political pressures, or opportunities, will only lead you to the end of your true ministry.  The things that are done for the sake of trying to make history will at best doom your accomplishments to history, and you will fail to impact eternity.  If you do not live what you preach to others you disqualify yourself from the high calling of God, just as we did.  I will tell you what will keep you on the path of life-love the Savior and seek His glory alone.  Everything that you do to exalt yourself will one day bring you the most terrible humiliation.  Everything that you do out of true love for the Savior, to glorify His name, will extend the limits of His eternal kingdom, and ultimately result in a much higher place for yourself.  Live for what is recorded here.  Care nothing for what is recorded on earth."

"'Turn to the Son,' she said emphatically.  'Your desire to worship me, or anyone else at this time, is only an attempt to turn the attention away from yourself, and justify yourself by serving what you are not.  I am pure now because I turned to Him.  You need to see the corruption that is in your own soul, but then you must not dwell on yourself, or seek to justify yourself with dead works, but turn to Him.'"

"'Study to show yourself approved unto God, not men,' he replied as he walked back into the ranks.  Before he disappeared he turned and with the slightest smile, offered one last bit of advice: 'And do not follow me'" (spoken about a famous Christian writer).

"They all gave me the same warning: the higher the spiritual authority that you walk in, the further you can fall if you depart from love and humility."

"Those who prevailed all did it the same way-they did not deviate from their devotion to the first and greatest commandment-loving the Lord.  By this their service was done unto Him, not men, not even for spiritual men.  These were the ones who worshipped the Lamb, and followed Him wherever He went."

"The Lord then looked at the galleries and said, 'Those empty seats could have been filled in any generation.  I gave the invitation to sit here to everyone who has called upon My name.  They are still available.  Now the last battle has come, and many who are last shall be first.  These seats will be filled before the battle is over.  Those who will sit here you will know by two things: they will wear the mantle of humility, and they will have My likeness.  You now have the mantle.  If you can keep it and do not lose it in the battle, when you return you will also have My likeness.  Then you will be worthy to sit with these, because I will have made you worthy.  All authority and power has been given to Me, and I alone can wield it.  You will prevail, and you will be trusted with My authority only when you have come to fully abide in Me.  Now turn and look at My household.'"

"I then looked back at the Lord and was astonished to see tears in His eyes.  He had wiped the tears away from every eye here, but His own.  As a tear ran down His cheek he caught it in His hand.  He then offered it to me.   'This is My cup.  Will you drink it with Me?'"
There was no way that I could refuse Him.  As the Lord continued to look at Me I began to feel His great love.  Even as foul as I was He still loved me.  As undeserving as I was He wanted me to be close to Him.  Then He said:
'I love all of these with a love that you cannot now understand.  I also love all who are supposed to be here but did not come.  I have left the ninety nine to go after the one who was lost.  My shepherds would not leave the one to go after the ninety nine who are still lost.  I came to save the lost.  Will you share My heart to go to save the lost? Will you help to fill this room? Will you help to fill these thrones, and every other seat in this hall? Will you take up this quest to bring joy to heaven, to Me and to My Father? This judgment is for My own household, and My own house is not full.  The last battle will not be over until My house is full.  Only then will it be time for us to redeem the earth, and remove the evil from My creation.  If you drink My cup you will
love the lost the way that I loved them.'"

"'Lord!' I shouted out, forgetting everyone but Him.  'I now know that this throne of judgment is also the throne of grace, and I ask You now for the grace to serve You.  Above all things I ask You for grace! I ask You for the grace to finish my course.  I ask You for the grace to love You like this so that I can be delivered from the delusions and self-centeredness that so pervert my life.  I call upon You for salvation from myself and the evil of my own heart, and for this love that I now feel to flow continually in my heart.  I ask You to give me Your heart, Your love.  I ask You for the grace of the Holy Spirit to convict me of my sin.  I ask You for the grace of the Holy Spirit to testify of You, as You really are.  I ask for the grace to testify of all that You have prepared for those who come to You.  I ask for the grace to be upon me to preach the reality of this judgment.  I ask for the grace to share with those who are called to occupy these empty thrones, to give them words of life that will keep them on the path of life, that will impart to them the faith to do what they have been called to do.  Lord, I beg You for this grace.'"

"'You are but one of many who have been prepared for this hour.  Preach and write about all that you have seen here.  What I have said to you say to My brethren.  Go and call My captains to the last battle.  Go and defend the poor and the oppressed, the widows and the orphans.  This is the commission of My captains, and it is where you will find them.  My children are worth more to Me than the stars in the heavens.  Feed My lambs.  Watch over My little ones.  Give the word of God to them that they may live.  Go to the battle.  Go and do not retreat.  Go quickly for I will come quickly.  Obey Me and hasten the day of My coming.'" (God speaking).


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Satisfied

He never ceases to amaze me with his attention to details.

He arranges the smallest of encounters or events to lift my brow heaven's way. As the girl that the Lord has made me, I am prone to keep my eyes downward and inward. My mind picks itself apart and pries deep down into self.

It is those times that I lose heaven's vision and begin to see through the world's eyes. I judge myself according to the rules of the world...and that only leaves my heart sick with discouragement and misery.

One day I feel unimportant, another unwanted, and the next unknown. Other days I am frustrated with my lack of personal style or lack of fitness ability. I can't run a mile. I don't have the cutest clothes. I don't have a trendy hipster Prince Charming. I don't have a Range Rover. I don't have an amazing six-figure-salary job. I don't have 2,000 friends on facebook. I just don't.

And I am ok with that. I am ok because I know where my identity comes from.

Mark Driscoll said it well, "The whole world lives for their identity. An identity in the world must be achieved, Be it beauty, success, income, grades, dating relationships, athleticism, clothes, car, neighborhood, the world lives to produce an identity.

But if you are a child of God, your identity is not achieved, it is recieved. We don't work for our identity, we work from our identity. Only a Christian can live from their identity" (Esther: Jesus Gives a Better Identity).

The world must work to create for themselves an identity. Some seek to be the stylish one, athletic one, smart one, rich one, extravagant one, loved one, etc. Nothing is wrong with the listed things, but when we seek to find our identity in them, it will always end in misery. Either we achieve the identity and become proud, or we fail to achieve that identity and become depressed. But when you are a child of God, you have nothing to do to achieve an identity. You simply receive it.

You are loved. You are important. You are forgiven. You are renewed. You are redeemed. You are chosen. You  are blessed. You are favored. You are God's beloved child. All because of Jesus.

It was just before listening to this sermon, that I went into the spiral of self-analysis. Who am I? What do people think of when they think of me? What defines me?

The Lord led me to this sermon in a round-about yet very direct way. It was exactly what my soul needed.

And then, he led me here.

"When I'm looking at the ground
It's an inbred feedback loop that drags me down
So it's time to lift my brow
And remember better days
When I loved to worship you and learn your ways
Singing sweetest songs of praise

Let my sighs give way to songs that sing about your faithfulness
Let my pain reveal your glory as my only real rest
Let my losses show me all I truly have is you

Why am I down?
Why so disturbed?
I am satisfied in You."

You see, as a child of God, I will never have an identity in this world. When the world looks to define me by my clothes, car, success, relationships, etc., they will have nothing to pin me with. I have not poured into the things of this world, and therefore I cannot be defined by them. I have none of that because I can truly only be defined as "Daughter of God."

"I am satisfied in You."

When was the last time you said that? "I am satisfied in You." It is such a simple revelation when you realize how much freedom lies in those 5 simple words.

For if I am satisfied in my sweet Savior, I need nothing of this world. I have it all. Come failures or frustrations, none can shake a soul who is satisfied in Jesus.

All I truly have is Jesus. And for me, that is enough. He is enough.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

To the Pastors and Churches of America


Over the past year, I have come to see, more than ever, the two sides of Christian theology.  I have been to churches that love the Word and speak directly from it week after week. I have also been to and seen online churches that supplement the sermon with Scripture, but mostly go by what the Spirit leads them to discuss.

The two have differing views, but both, I believe, truly do seek the Truth of God; their methods are just different.

But the struggle I face with both of these is that there is a lack of balance. It seems as though if the love of the Word is there, the Spirit is quenched. Or if there is the love of the Spirit, the Word is forgotten.

Before I continue, I realize there is no perfect church. We are a bunch of imperfect people, and when you get a bunch of imperfect people all together…it will create a big imperfect group.   I am not seeking to criticize any church theology or beliefs. I am simply writing about an observation I have made, and wish to discuss.

In my experience, both sides believe they are more correct in their theology. There is this huge division between the two sides and both view the other as being “extreme” or “misled.”

So this is what I want to say:

Pastors and churches of America,
            I am tired of having to pick a side of theology. I am tired of hearing about what you think. I want to know what the Bible says. I want to hear about my Savior. I want to worship in a place where the Word is loved and studied, yet the Spirit is free to move and lead. My soul longs for the Bride to be balanced as the Word tells us to be.
            I don’t need the musical productions, the entertaining jokes, or the trendy creative videos. I don’t need a comfortable laid-back atmosphere. I don’t need fun social events so I can meet other people my age. I don’t need tips on how to save money or get healthy. I don’t need a nice building with comfy seats.
            I need my heavenly Father. I need Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I need the Holy Spirit.
            That is what we are seeking. My generation doesn’t need anymore of our culture than we already get. We need our Savior. We need to be read the Word, reminded that we are not entitled, righteous, or worthy. That nothing we do could ever be enough. We need to be reminded to repent, daily. We need to be reminded that the ONLY reason we can be called righteous or worthy is because of what JESUS did. Not what we do.
            I don’t need you to make me feel good about myself. I need to feel and realize the total depravity of my soul without God. I don’t need to be coddled and comfy. I want to be challenged and convicted. I don’t need to be swooned or entertained.
I need to be taught.
I may feel loved and special after a sermon…but that feeling won’t get me through the valleys of depression, anger, sorrow, or defeat. I need to know His promises in the WORD. I need to know TRUTH. What does God say about me? Show me in scripture and then I will believe you. Don’t tell me what you think about me, or what you think God thinks about me. Show me. Because when it boils down to it…that’s the only absolute truth I can believe in.
            But I don’t just need the Word. I need His Spirit. I can read Scripture over and over, but if I don’t have the Spirit of God in me, I will grasp nothing. Show me how to draw near to God. Show me how to not quench the Spirit with my constraints and fears. Show me how to not put the Holy Spirit in a box, but warn me against trusting my feelings and thoughts. Teach me how to discern between the Spirit and false spirits that come to destroy distract my soul.
            Show me how to live in the Spirit by example. Show me that you don’t put God’s Spirit on a time schedule; that you trust the Holy Spirit enough to forgo your 90 minute service constraint. Show me that you are willing to put aside traditions and routines to allow the Spirit to move in your congregation. Show me that the Spirit is not to be toyed or joked with. Show me reverence for the Gospel and His Spirit.
            Teach me how the Spirit will never speak or teach something that is not already in Scripture. Teach me that God does not contradict himself. Ever. Show me that whatever the Spirit does or says is in direct correlation with the ministry of Jesus and the Father, shown in Scripture.
In John 4:23-24, Jesus says, “Yet a time is coming, and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and His worshippers must worship in spirit and in truth.”
            This is what we are hungry for! I long to see the Bride worship together in spirit and in truth, with the Word and the Spirit.
            The two should go hand in hand. You cannot understand one without the other.
            I want to worship my God in a place of freedom. No more constraints, no more distractions. I don’t come to church to encounter a good show or emotional entertainment. I come to church to stand beside my brothers and sisters and worship at the feet of my King.
            My generation is hungry, starving, for the presence of God. Nothing else. We are looking for a place where we can put aside the trends and distractions of our culture, and simply pour our hearts out to our God.
            We don’t need anything else. We just need our Savior. We simply need his Word and his Spirit. It is not complex theology.  
            It is Him.